Playing by the Rules

Frontdesk by David Waggoner

Professional sports used to be about a lot of things but not HIV. Now one of its closets is being opened by none other than one of its very own: Roy Simmons. Offensive lineman for such teams as the New York Giants and the Washington Redskins, Simmons has had many closets to open. In his recently published memoir, Out of Bounds, the former NFL player speaks openly—and to the point—about his many struggles over the years: drug use, sexual identity, and HIV. Simmons’ life story—vividly told in this newest sports autobiography—reads like a waking nightmare. Simmons lets his guard down as frequently as he lets us onto the playing field of his life. He helps us relate to the pain of accepting his limitations as a sports figure, as a human being.

Most relevant about his story is how a professional sports figure’s self-destruction is reversed when he is forced to face his own mortality. And Simmons has an innate ability to illustrate that HIV is just that: a disease, not an affliction. The moral of his story—as it should be for any of us affected by AIDS—is that we can’t win against HIV until we accept ourselves.

What I find unique in both Simmons’ story in both book form and in Lester Strong’s interview in this month’s A&U, is that for many years his HIV status—at least to him—wasn’t worthy of being heard. Couple this feeling with the pressure to suppress information because of the risk of losing one’s career or relationship, and you have a recipe for disaster.

Saskatchewan Roughriders’ Trevis Smith was recently charged by two different women with aggravated sexual assault for having unprotected sex; his positive serostatus was revealed to the public by police. As part of his bail agreement as he awaits trial, Smith was ordered by a judge to practice safe sex, disclose to all partners that he is HIV-positive, and surrender his passport. At the very least, we should be asking if HIVers are being put in an impossible position: Disclose and face discrimination, or not disclose and face jail.

The end-result of the Roy Simmons story is that lying can harm the body as much as it can the soul. Simmons tells his life with no holds barred. It’s a tell-all that has it all for the best-seller list: drugs, sex, four-letter words, even some poorly executed sentence constructions. It’s not a polished memoir by any stretch of the imagination.

But that’s what makes Out of Bounds a must-read this February, the month of Super Bowl Sunday. Football does offer an odd metaphor for living with HIV. It’s not easy to play by the rules when one’s immune system is not functioning at full capacity. Although Roy Simmons may have fouled more than once in his years on the playing field, he’s now setting realistic goals in his life. Ones that we should follow by example: taking our meds on time (adherence), battling fatigue and depression (taking time out), and reaching the end zone (getting viral loads undetectable or close to).

We need our cheerleaders, too—members of our own family, or caregivers, or the nurses who give injections and do the blood draws, or the doctors who enroll us in experimental drug protocols that save our lives, or even the HMO lady who we’ve been fighting with on the phone, who actually turns out to care—because she too has been affected by AIDS—and moves some paperwork forward that pays the outstanding hospital bill. These good things all lead to one thing: victory against the other guys—those bad guys playing on the offense in our blood.

Roy Simmons’ new strategy of staying alive to win is not a bad defense. His new rule book of staying in bounds isn’t a bad play. It’s a goal we all should follow.

February 2005