Ruby’s Rap

by Ruby Comer

James Gavin

Grassy knolls, double-decker trolleys, magnificent sculptures, a glockenspiel, and top-notch eateries–no, this is not Disneyland. It’s a one-year-old shopping area in Los Angeles called The Grove, which connects to the historic Farmer’s Market and is neighbors with CBS Television City. Ms. Ruby is enjoying a lovely Saturday afternoon here. While my girlfriend, Della, schmoozes with a newly found military man, I finish up my Caesar salad parked on a bench next to the dancing waters that gyrate to the tune of Bette Midler’s Do You Wanna Dance? The man next to me has just introduced himself. Lo and behold, he is an author.

James Gavin (Don’t worry. My beau, Rudy, is on duty nearby at the fire department, and Mr. Gavin is gay!) is in town promoting his fascinating book, Deep in a Dream: The Long Night of Chet Baker, about the legendary talented jazz trumpeter who was addicted to opium and fell to his death from a third-floor window of an Amsterdam Hotel. The book has been optioned for a film. Jim is also a contributing writer for such powerhouses as Vanity Fair, New York Magazine, and TV Guide.

Ruby Comer: What a fun place, huh?

James Gavin: Yes, this is my first time here. I’m crazy about Los Angeles, though I’ve lived most of my life in New York. I read your column all the time, Ruby. [He says this in his deep, sexy voice.]

Thank you, my dear. Jim, what is your experience with the AIDS crisis?

I was born in 1964, and at the time of my sexual coming-of-age, the AIDS epidemic was just exploding. AIDS was a part of my consciousness. Up to that time, there wasn’t anything to fear except the clap and crabs.

[Laughing] Indeed, and of course, pregnancy.

I never had to worry about that! I always had common sense, though I’ve come to realize that common sense isn’t even a factor. I know some incredibly intelligent people who do incredibly stupid things sexually. This past week, I’ve had a number of conversations about barebacking because I have a couple of very close friends who are HIV-positive that are doing it. It is an epidemic in the gay community.

What do you make of this?

It is such a loaded topic that I think about it a lot. It says something terrible about the gay community and ultimately how gay people really feel about themselves, and the low value that an awful lot of gay people place on their lives. There are flimsier excuses made for it. It disturbs me very, very much.

Jim, what do you say to these friends?

One of them, who is my age, formerly worked with an architectural firm. He is an extremely intelligent person, with a lot of curiosity, and a great sense of humor. He’s been positive for three years, and when he turned positive, he was heavily into crystal–another horrifying epidemic. Barebacking and crystal are very intertwined. He was telling me one day about his barebacking experiences before and after he turned positive.

Were you shocked?

In my naiveté, yes, I was. I said to him–stepping onto my soapbox as I do–life is such a wonderful gift, it’s so precious, why are you doing something like this? Is your life and your health worth this? And he said something that got through to me: "My life would be different if I had a life like yours. Your life is a succession of magical moments." And it is. I get to appear on TV, travel extensively, and I have friends all over the world. My life is built around the thing that I love to do the most, which is writing. My life is hard at times, but it’s never boring. And there’s no question in my mind that I’m doing exactly the thing that I was intended to do.

Hurray for you, Jim.

He went on to say, "Most people don’t have that. They have jobs that are just jobs, and most people take their thrills where they can get them." In other words, life is not as valuable for some people as it is for others.

Hmm…quite interesting.

Yes, okay, I see what he means. Some people don’t have a passion, so, like my friend, he has found something to be passionate about, which is sex. He decided that it was simply not worth limiting himself by practicing safe sex, and now he’s positive. I don’t condone it and I want him to find something to make life more precious for him. [He glances at the woman next to us, who is breast-feeding.] I think the majority of gay men define themselves sexually–that can become an inflated importance in their lives. And maybe this is getting closer to the heart of why barebacking is a rampant, and an ever-growing epidemic.

Ruby Comer is an independent journalist from the Midwest who is happy to call Hollywood her home away from home. Reach her by e-mail at MsRubyComer@aol.com.

July 2003