Rafael Holguin

After ten laborious years, it’s finally done. I’m speaking about The Wall-Las Memorias, a Los Angeles AIDS monument and brainchild of Richard Zaldivar. His vision was to educate the Latino community about AIDS, and honor those who’ve died. Nestled in Lincoln Park amidst trees and pathways, it seems more like a performance art space. The art soulfully envelops you. I’m thoroughly captivated by the panels and I feel especially fluky when I collide with Rafael Holguin.

Rafael, twenty-nine, and I met several years ago at a benefit. He is an award-winning adult video director/editor, and has not only volunteered but also raised mucho dineros for AIDS organizations such as the Tijuana AIDS Fund. He is San Diego’s Emperor XXXI of the Imperial Court, a fundraising agency for people living with HIV/AIDS. Rafael holds the titles of 1999 Mr. Gay Latino San Diego and 2002 Mr. Gay Latino California. As a kid, Rafael lived in a cardboard house and worked in the fields of Delicias, Chihuahua, Mexico, picking jalapeños. Today, Rafael is the spittin’ image of the American Dream (he recently purchased a home for his mother). Along the way, he’s been a waiter, go-go boy, construction worker, and head security guard on the Titanic set. When the film that Rafael is currently working on wraps, the preem sales will be donated to an AIDS charity—a standard set by him.

After The Wall, we drive to my apartment in Silver Lake, catch up, pop corn (screw the carbs!), and have a Cinema Latino marathon with these great movies: Dust to Dust, The City of No Limits, and Herod’s Law. During an emotional scene in Dust to Dust, Rafael and I pause to reflect, then slip into discussion.

Ruby Comer: Losing someone is so friggin’ hard. Have you ever lost anyone?

Rafael Holguin: I lost my father several years ago, and a very close friend died about a month ago. My friend was a Princess in the Court. His name was Satin Styles [birth name withheld by request].

How do you deal with that?

It’s ‘friggin’ hard’ like you say [he chuckles]. Though I do try and be optimistic so I can give strength to others and the deceased’s family.

What’s your take on the afterlife?

There is a better world waiting. [He sheepishly smiles, showing off those striking pearly whites.]

Rafael, what does AIDS mean to you?

It’s just a horrible disease [he shakes his head]. It’s hurting so many people: families, men, children, transgendereds, and women. AIDS does not discriminate.

Any advice for serving the needs of those living with HIV/AIDS?

We need to protect them, educate, and give money to research.

I love gay porn. Listen, if hetero men can get turned on watching two females, then I can have my fun too! The actors use condoms in your films, don’t they?

Absolutely! This company, All Worlds Video, began with that requirement. And before an actor works, he must be tested. If an actor is HIV-positive, we don’t use him. I don’t approve of those companies which make barebacking films.

Yes, you and I have spoken before about your disgust for those who do not use condoms when making adult films. Rafael, you are a role model in many ways. Who do you look up to?

That’s easy. Rick Ford, my partner and soul mate, with whom I’ve been in an eight-year relationship. 

Perfecto! Being an advocate—I mean, you’ve even been to an HRC benefit and mingled with Bill Clinton!—anything else you’d like to address about AIDS?

Yes. To those infected, be optimistic and support yourself through your friends. I’ve been keeping abreast of the news and I know that a cure is coming.

Ruby Comer is an independent journalist from the Midwest who is happy to call Hollywood her home away from home. Reach her by e-mail at MsRubyComer@aol.com.

January 2005