Ruby’s Rap

by Ruby Comer

Beth Grant

What views! What history! What a place! This weekend, the celebrated Hotel del Coronado, that grand old dame on the San Diego Bay, is hosting an AIDS seminar/variety show benefit. As I enter the titanic Victorian structure, completed in 1888, with ukulele and sheet music in tow, I feel like a member of Sweet Sue’s all-girl band, which included Marilyn Monroe, Tony Curtis, and Jack Lemmon, in the classic comedy Some Like It Hot, where the film’s exteriors were actually shot. (A backstory tidbit: Mitzi Gaynor, Danny Kaye, and Bob Hope were once considered for the roles). As I enter the stately, airy redwood lobby, I half-recognize someone. Where have I seen her? It finally strikes me. It’s Beth Grant. I’ve seen her in commercials, movies, TV, and most recently in the new tragicomedy play about a battered woman,
The Trials and Tribulations of a Trailer Trash Housewife, written and directed by the very talented Del Shores (Sordid Lives).

This gal is a chameleon; a true character actor. That’s why it’s hard to recognize her. She has co-starred in over forty feature films including Sordid Lives (and her performance as Aunt Sissie was absolutely hilarious), Donnie Darko, Rain Man, The Rookie, and To Wong Foo. Hailing from North
Carolina, Beth is a true Southern debutante. She dabbled in politics as a Senate page and in 1976 worked for Jimmy Carter. She not only supports AIDS charities but also The Trevor Project (gay teen suicide prevention), Haven Hills (survivors of domestic abuse), and environmental issues. Beth is married to actor Michael Chieffo and they have a ten-year-old daughter, Mary
Elizabeth. Beth is sweet enough to 'take ten' and we huddle under the old Dragon tree (planted when the hotel opened), located just outside the hotel’s entrance where Daphne and her date, the wealthy Osgood Fielding III, cooed over each other in Some Like It Hot.

Ruby Comer: What is your involvement with the AIDS crisis?
Beth Grant: I’ve performed in some events and I’ve been a donor, but I’m not an activist. My time has mainly been spent in helping others get sober. I have volunteered for many years helping women get off drugs and alcohol.

I imagine there is a lot of HIV infection in that community.
Oh my, yes. Listen, I’ve lost so many friends, just like all of us. A person who is trying to get sober and who is HIV-positive, it’s just so much harder for them. It’s quite a challenge.

Oh, I would say.
A friend of mine who is HIV-positive stayed sober for over four years, then he got so sick and relapsed on pot and crystal meth. He came back, and now he’s sober again. Presently, he’s got cancer and liver problems. I’m waiting to hear what the next step is but he is staying sober this time. So he’s going to take life's journey conscious, which is great.

Specifically, when you counsel these women, what do you say about HIV?
Listen, I’m not a Nancy Reagan just-say-no person. That’s insane. We’re all human. I tell them to take the time to get to know somebody; find out the person’s history. If the chemistry is so hot and it feels like you're on a drug—slow down! I know that feeling well! It’s like heroin. It’s like solid
vodka. To resist is not easy. I also urge them to use condoms, and to keep them with them at all times because you never know when something is going to pop up, so to speak.

Amen. What will you tell your daughter, Mary Elizabeth, when she reaches her teen years?
I don’t know. It will be one day at a time. I see her maturity and I am so much more liberal. She’s got a great sensibility. What’s important is that we keep the channels of communication open and that she knows that she has a place to come to talk to me about things. Check with me in a couple of years and I’ll let you know.

As you said, youve lost many friends to AIDS, lost many friends in general.
Yes, my friend, [actor] Michael Jeter just died.

Oh, I heard. What a tragedy. How do you deal with these losses, Beth?
Like everything, it’s all a day at a time. I remember when a dear friend committed suicide years ago—I just rode through the pain. One thing I’ve learned is that there is no way out of the pain except through it. I cry a lot, allow myself to feel my feelings, and I talk a lot. I talk to everybody. And I journal about it, and write letters to God—my definition of God, which is not a religious God. I yell, and I scream. One time, I remember driving my car, pulling off the road, and just screaming at God. “I’m a nice person. Why are you doing this to me?” I figure if God is love, God can take it. Of course it’s all about me. My friend’s dead but it’s all about me [she says in a self-critical manner]. But it’s okay. I let myself let it be all about me; to be selfish. It’s part of life’s journey.

Ruby Comer is an independent journalist from the Midwest who is happy to call Hollywood her home away from home. Reach her by e-mail at MsRubyComer@aol.com.

August 2003

Ruby Comer is an independent journalist from the Midwest who is happy to call Hollywood her home away from home. Reach her by e-mail at MsRubyComer@aol.com.

July 2003