Ruby’s Rap

by Ruby Comer

Roz and Marilyn Borden

If you know me, Sugar, you know that I’m a world-class I Love Lucy fan. So when I hear "Ricochet Baby" being belted out by those hefty twins, Teensy and Weensy, on the classic Lucy episode, "Tennessee Bound," on TV Land, I hobble out of the bathroom to the boob tube, mud mask on my face, and cotton between my toes–heaven forbid, if I should smudge my newly painted jungle red toenails. As I watch this sister act, played by The Borden Twins, I laugh and snort as if I’m seeing it for the first time. Never fails!

I’ve known about The Borden Twins and their work with the AIDS community, and other charities, but our paths never intersected. So I set out to meet the real Teensy and Weensy–Roz and Marilyn Borden! (While I am setting up the interview, sadly, Roz dies). Besides the gals’ classic appearance on I Love Lucy, The Borden Twins have entertained alongside such greats as Jimmy Durante, Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, Ed Begley, and Bob Newhart. They also appeared on other classic television shows, such as Rhoda, CHiPS, and Maude. The girls joined the USO, entertaining the troops, and later in their careers, they were cruise line hostesses.

Marilyn and I meet on a windy L.A. day at the Beverly Palms Hotel (presently the ultra-hip Avalon Hotel), where Lucy, Ricky, Fred, and Ethel lodged when they were in Hollywood.

Ruby Comer: Oh, Marilyn, I am so sorry to hear about Roz. What a shock. Seventy years you two were together.

Marilyn Borden: Thank you, dear. It’s very hard.

How do you deal with the loss?

I try to accept it, and then just go on. We discussed this [our death] many times, and she said whoever is left behind just goes on. But, you must go through the grieving process. If you don’t, you’re a basket case. And when we’ve lost people from AIDS, my wish is for people to be more careful, so that nobody else will die from it [she takes a deep breath], but they will.

Tell me about your involvement with the AIDS crisis.

We have lost many friends to this disease, Ruby. Right in the beginning, before they even had a name for it, we lost a dear friend, a very gregarious, heavyset man. We met in Hawaii while we were doing USO shows. We hadn’t heard from him in a while and we found out that he had died. His father said he became a bag of bones. The doctors said it was due to hepatitis but that didn’t sound right to us.

What is your take on the afterlife?

You know, I’ve been thinking about that a lot. My first thought is that it’s just darkness. There’s nothing there, you don’t meet your father, mother, whomever. Then on the other hand, I want to believe that maybe there’s something. [She giggles.] It was like after Roz came out of a coma, I asked her, "Did you hear us? What were your thoughts?" She replied, "No. I didn’t have any thoughts. It was just black." That’s what I think death is like. Both Roz and I believe in God, so I’m hoping that there is something more.

No one’s returned to tell us! Marilyn, how did you wind up on I Love Lucy?

We met Lucy while doing a skit together on The Ed Wynn Show. Lucy was the type of person that if you didn’t know your lines, if you weren’t ready, she was very unhappy with you. She was very personable and used to invite us into her dressing room to chat. On the last day, she said, "Girls, I really like the way you work. I’m going to have the writers write something for you." That’s how we got on I Love Lucy.

What was it like being with the Ricardos and the Mertzes?

It was wonderful. Everyone worked as a team. If Lucy didn’t like something about the script, she’d suggest other ideas to the writers. She was never demanding. When she talked, they listened because she knew the craft very well. Lucy was a dream. Ricky [she laughs and corrects herself], Desi was there when he had to be–he was running a studio–though he knew his lines. Vivian Vance was a sweetheart. William Frawley wasn’t a very nice person. He was an old fart.

Thanks for the poop, Marilyn, and for meeting me today. Before we part, is there anything else you’d like to say?

You’re welcome, Ruby. Right now there is no cure for AIDS, something people seem to forget. If you’re not taking precautions, then you’re really asking for it. I will continue to help out until this disease is gone. That’s it.

Marilyn is presently piecing together a retrospective of The Borden Twins and hopes to take it on the road. You can keep tabs on her by visiting www.thebordentwins.com.

Ruby Comer is an independent journalist from the Midwest who is happy to call Hollywood her home away from home. Reach her by e-mail at MsRubyComer@aol.com.

April 20033