Lainie Kazan has been "mom" to Bette Midler, Ben Stiller, Christina Applegate, Mark Linn-Baker, Kirstie Alley, and Kyra Sedgwick. In the movies, that is. And that’s just to name a few. Off-screen, though, Lainie is mom to Jennifer, thirty, and "grammie" to Isabella Blue, four. But Kazan’s need to nurture extends beyond her family to the public arena. Despite her busy career, she has lent her unyielding support over the years to charities for battered women, cancer, Alzheimer’s, and AIDS. On the AIDS frontlines since the early eighties, her personal experience with the Plague began years earlier.

"’Lainie, I have the strangest disease. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I’ve got sores in my mouth and I can’t breathe,’" says Lainie, repeating her friend Aaron Gold’s revelation to her in 1978. "They put him in quarantine, and when he was in the hospital they wouldn’t let any members of his family near him. They didn’t have a name for it. They just called it an immune disease. He had had an encounter with that infamous French Canadian flight attendant [Patient Zero, Gaetan Dugas]. Aaron suffered horrifically like this for two years, and eventually died. From then on, I began to lose so many friends."

Lainie is pensive, an unusual state for such a high-charged, vivacious individual. Kicking back on a cushy sofa in her living room, a baby grand off to the side, and Ella, her Bichon dog, between us (yes, named after Fitzgerald), Lainie is lavishly robed in a black moo-moo that sprouts large white Oriental characters (her sign is Dragon). On meeting Lainie, warmth and passion emanate from her. My first thought is what a perfect Aldonza she’d make in the musical Man of La Mancha–that melding of sexy vamp and earth mother. Indeed, she has played the part. Though she is fighting a three-week cold, Lainie looks ravishing–better looking in person, and appearing younger than her sixty-three years. I comment on her flawless complexion and preface it by saying, "Now this may be a cliché, and I’m not trying to kiss your ass…." Lainie quickly interrupts and ribs, "No, go ahead. Kiss it!"

All of a sudden, it strikes me that I am here chatting with the woman who played a cigar-chomping Western slut in the film Lust in the Dust. I remember her outrageous catfight with Divine in a barroom brawl, which ended with the two rolling in the desert dirt. Kazan survived a real scuffle last year when she underwent hip replacement surgery. She claims it is the result of many years of dancing. Her recovery was quite painful, and she was incapacitated in a wheelchair for six months. Lainie’s doing fine now, and she’s back to yoga, which she has practiced for thirty years.

Kazan’s charming, cozy rented home in the San Fernando Valley is just a few blocks from the set of her new TV show, My Big Fat Greek Life. Sitting on a tiny cul-de-sac, and sporting a white picket fence and a brick walkway, the house is surrounded by gardens, graceful trees, rich foliage, and manicured hedges. Wind chimes hang from the patio by the front door, where a Mexican tile is affixed that reads, Bienvendos esta en su casa. Presently on hiatus, Lainie is waiting for word from the network about whether her show will be picked up for a second season. [The show failed to make the fall schedule.] Though she plays a very convincing Greek mom, Kazan’s ethnicity is Spanish and Russian-Jew. Her surname name is Levine, and Kazan was her mother’s birth name.

The consummate hostess, Lainie makes sure that our crew has soft drinks and an array of cheese and crackers is set on the coffee table–something this journalist is not accustomed to seeing at interviews. And, I might add, a very refreshing and welcome touch. Lainie fusses to see that everyone is comfortable. I feel as though I am sitting with a loving aunt who lives down the block.

Lainie has not only lost many dear friends to AIDS, last year, her mother, eighty-six, died from Alzheimer’s. "I’ve cried a lot of tears, and said a lot of prayers through the years," she says, explaining on how she confronts the loss, and then gives it a positive spin, "Though I resolve that it was probably their time. I’m sorry they suffered and had to go the way they did, but maybe they contracted this disease so that it could help others [to live]." She pauses momentarily. "Are they in a better place? Who knows?!" she shouts. And with that she releases her trademark ^bravura full of gusto^ infectious laughter and adds: "For me, it’s one life only!"

Does she truly believe that? What is her take on the afterlife? Kazan quickly replies in a sullen tone, "I don’t have much take on it. I’m a pragmatic Jew!" That lovable laugh again. "My father died when I was seventeen, and he never came back to talk to me." She points to his framed photograph sitting on the fireplace mantle along with other family pictures. Her dad resembles a young Cary Grant. "He never tapped me on the shoulder. All I know is I have this wonderful life and I’m going to make the best of it! And if, God willing, there is something beyond, I’ll be thrilled to get there. But I’m counting on this one to give me all the pleasure I possibly can. I live every moment to the fullest. I eat up life. Just last night my girlfriend said to me, ‘I don’t know anyone who’s lived as much life as you.’"

And what a life. While still a junior at Hofstra University, she received her Equity card, and at twenty-three landed on Broadway as Streisand’s understudy in Funny Girl (after eighteen months into the run, Lainie got the chance to go on for an ailing Barbra one day–two shows). Her brief but stirring performance led to work in nightclubs, TV variety shows (appearing on the Dean Martin Show twenty six times), and her own NBC variety special. In the early seventies, she posed for a Playboy spread, and several years later, she opened Lainie’s Room in Los Angeles and Manhattan with business partner, Hugh Hefner.

In 1981, Francis Ford Coppola caught Lainie’s singing act at San Francisco’s Fairmount Hotel. Impressed with her mellow voice and sultry presence, he offered her a role in One From The Heart. She went on to complete over thirty films, including: My Favorite Year with Peter O’Toole, for which she received a Golden Globe nomination, Beaches, The Associate with Whoopi Goldberg, What’s Cooking directed and written by the acclaimed Indian Brit of the current hit Bend It Like Beckham, and the smash My Big Fat Greek Wedding with Nia Vardolos. In Lainie’s new film, Gigli (August release), she plays yet another mom, this time to Ben Affleck.

A multitalented entertainer, Kazan has garnered kudos for her work on stage, screen, and records. She has appeared in a variety of television shows, from St. Elsewhere (Emmy Award nomination) to The Paper Chase (Cable ACE Award nomination). On Broadway, Lainie reprised her role in the musical version of My Favorite Year (Tony Award nomination) and later, The Government Inspector. She recorded half a dozen albums and her new CD, In The Groove, features her daughter, Jennifer Bena, on several tracks. Lainie has also performed with a number of symphonies around the country. Of Kazan’s voice, Lena Horne once said, "It’s like fine wine, sparkling and mellow...it keeps flowing--smooth and tasty."

Lainie admits that singing is her first love, then theater, film, and finally, television. "I feel so satisfied after performing on stage," she elates as she rubs Ella’s pink belly. "I love the live performance of the theater, of building a character and taking her from the beginning to the end of the play. Theater is so full and rich. I feel so high when I come off stage, and you get that immediate response [from the audience]. Though in film, I’ve learned to get satisfaction out of each take but it’s not the same fulfilling experience. Can you believe Coppola did some sixty odd takes of a scene? It’s unbelievable."

One performance Kazan is especially proud of is the Broadway tribute to Ethel Merman, Doin’ What Comes Natur’lly!, a benefit for the New York’s Gay Men’s Health Crisis (GMHC). Three years ago, she assembled Elaine Stritch, Patty LuPone, Bette Midler, Madeline Kahn, and Andrea Martin and produced and starred in the event. A year after this production, Lainie gave a concert in Acapulco to assist ACIDA, an AIDS project that is headed by a dress designer friend of hers. She is also active with Angel Project, Young Musician’s Foundation, AIDS Project Los Angeles, Haven House, a shelter for battered women and their children, and Camp Heartland, a camp for children whose lives have been impacted with HIV/AIDS.

Kids are a special interest to Lainie, and she is intently concerned about the new generation’s apathy toward AIDS. "Young people are not using protection!" she snaps. "They feel they’re invincible. And it’s frightening; absolutely frightening. They’ve said the hell with it all. Right? But they’re young," she says with a shrug and a cough. "Some feel that they can get infected then just take drugs. But they don’t understand that the cocktail has stopped working in many cases, and over a period of time loses its potency. It’s very upsetting."

If Lainie had an auditorium filled with high school students in front of her now, what would she say? She pauses to gather her thoughts, and lets out a deep, disturbed sigh. "I understand your hormones are raging, and it’s very sad that I have to say these things to you. The truth of the matter is that sex and lovemaking have got to be separated. If you’re going to have sex then you have to protect yourself, and you have to be in a committed relationship for a long period of time before you can have unprotected sex. It hasn’t always been like this but people have been careless and the disease has spread." She takes a sip of coffee, and cuddles up more into the sofa. "What can you possibly say? It’s so sad because I grew up in the sixties," she says proudly, "and we were just out there having a great time. I feel sorry for these young people. It’s a tragedy." Lainie sadly confides that she has a close friend whose twenty-seven year old son is HIV-positive and has been so for three years.

When Jennifer was coming of age in the eighties, the hotbed for AIDS, Lainie was upfront with her about prevention. "I laid it on the line but not that she listens to me all the time," she says matter-of-factly with a smirk, adding that she knows her daughter takes an HIV test regularly. Does Lainie practice what she preaches? "I too am very careful. If I’m going to have a relationship, I have to be in that relationship for a long [she stretches the word out as if she is holding a musical note] time before I let anybody in my bedroom!"

I ask Kazan about the roots of her activism." You must become active in order to affect change," she blurts, taken somewhat aback. She can’t understand why I even need to ask this question. "I just can’t sit by and watch. I want this disease ended. AIDS is an international holocaust." Lainie peers out the window onto the street. There are a few moments of silence, letting what she said sink in. She is scheduled for a voice rehearsal soon, so we wind down. For a second, she sneaks off into another room and I hear her reminding Scott, her efficient assistant, "We need to call Connie Stevens. Add her to the list….." I figure Lainie is probably off planning another charity benefit. Once near the front door, Lainie and I hug, and she inquires, "Did you get what you needed, Dann?" I assure her that I did. Ever the concerned mom. It’s just in Lainie’s nature. Thank heaven.

Lainie will appear at the Atlantic City Hilton, June 16—20, Ravinia Festival in Highland Park, Illinois (Chicago), July 20—21, and the Suncoast Hotel & Casino (Las Vegas), August 22—24. Check out Lainie’s Web site: www.LainieKazan.com.

Dann Dulin interviewed Doris Roberts for the May issue.

Lively Lainie

Where is your favorite place to disappear to? Where do you go to recharge your batteries?

Hawaii [she says immediately], or Palm Springs if I don’t have the time to travel. I love the mountains, the sea, and the desert. I am so bombarded by folks throughout the day that I need time alone. I don’t want to talk. I mean, every morning I put my bra on and go to war! And I enjoy myself when I’m alone; I’m great company.

Any thoughts about getting older?

I’m not too fond of it [she bellows]. One thing I do like is that I seem to be getting wiser. That is a very great feeling; to have a grander vision of things. When I was young I didn’t have that kind of vision and I got myself in a lot of trouble because I would just leap and attack life.

Out of the many people you have met through the years, is there one in particular who stands out who impressed or inspired you the most?

He didn’t do much to impress me but the person I was most thrilled to meet was Marlon Brando. I actually felt the heat emanate from his body before I turned around. I just knew something extraordinary was behind me. The person who really impressed me the most was, it’s a toss up between Cary Grant and Peter O’Toole–both have spectacular presences.

Name someone you dated.

Henry Kissinger.

Name your favorite Lainie Kazan film.

One from the Heart.

Who would you like to meet that you haven’t met yet?

Bill Clinton. He is so charismatic and brilliant.

Is there an actor whom you’d like to work with that you haven’t yet?

Robert DeNiro.

Name your favorite city.

New York.

What are you most proud of?

(Laughs) That I’ve survived!